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* Samples

There are 50 pages of remarks like these in the e-book, FREE with every speech pack

I recently bought a book of the funniest wedding jokes ever heard. Sadly, I couldn't find it when I wrote this speech.

I did of course, have a great speech of my own worked out for you today; but as I am now married, my wife has told me what to say instead.

I would like to thank Tracy's Mum and Dad, Anne and Alan, for bringing up such a beautiful, intelligent daughter. I’ll leave you to argue over which trait comes from who.

The last time I was at a wedding, I was the best man. I now feel like I have moved from the witness box to the dock.

I would like to thank the ushers who did a magnificent job, of separating the in-laws and the outlaws.

Andy was going around the Church telling everybody to be quiet.---I had to go back and tell him he was supposed to be an Usher,--not a husher.

I thought I had managed to strike a lucrative personal deal here today; with Hello magazine.

However, I went up to a photographer in the street earlier and said, “Hello Magazine?”---He said, “No, Rotherham Auto trader.”

She is so successful at shopping, ‘Next’ recently applied for planning permission; To open a branch in their living room.

Angie always takes ages to get ready and the very fact that she arrived today virtually on time; is a modern day miracle. I would like to give praise to everybody who has assisted her.

There is nothing wrong with marriage; Coming home after a hard day’s work, opening a beer, sitting on the sofa then spending the evening watching the wife’s favourite TV shows.

I hope you will all enjoy your stay in this lovely, but haunted Castle [or Hotel]

Those of you who are saying overnight needn’t worry about not getting enough to drink, apparently there are free spirits in all the rooms.---In fact, Sarah and I found Derek Acorah under our bed.

Then of course Pam couldn’t have failed to notice Malc’s big feet and recall the old wives tail about associated large body parts.---Yes it is true,---Malc does have big hands as well.

We call him the exorcist in our house. Every time he comes around, he rids us of all our spirits.

Her driving is so bad, the RSPCA have taken her nodding dog into protective custody.

He was a bit of a tearaway in his teens and ended up with a bad Police record; ' Walking on the Moon. '

I heard him asking the assistant in the wine shop, if she could recommend a breakfast wine.

Rob has spent a fortune over the years, some on women, some on drink and the rest he spent foolishly.

She joined Gourmet magazine, but a few months later they tried to buy back her subscription.

At school he was a bit of a joker and loved to tell jokes and he still does.--Unfortunately he’s still telling the same ones.